Somewhere Along the Way
By Jason Glaze
This one goes out to all the caretakers out there. You know who you are. Cheap Trick sings your theme song, I want you to want me, I need you to need me. Your need to be needed has created tension in almost every relationship you have ever had and you still think everything would have been better if the other person would have simply changed. You live a cycle that leaves you exhausted and bitter. Here is what the cycle looks like.
You need a needy person in your life because helping needy people makes you feel valuable. So you focus on this needy person and begin to try to fix their emotions, solve their problems, and anticipate their needs. You do things for them that they should be doing for themselves and without realizing it you end up helping them stay in the condition they are in.
When the person you are trying to help fails to change in the manner that validates your efforts you then become angry. You begin to punish the needy person in subtle ways. You give them the silent treatment, you use guilt hoping they will see that they are not changing in the way you want them to change. You may even throw God’s name in from time to time to make it sound spiritual.
You eventually become the victim. You feel trapped, hopeless, and helpless. You have conversations in your head that sounds something like this, “ I can’t believe after everything I’ve done for him/her they still refuse to change.”
At this point you either double up on your efforts to try harder with this person, or you escape the relationship vowing that you will never try to help anyone ever again. However, like a moth to a flame, you are drawn to needy people and needy people are drawn to you. Before you know it you are right back in the cycle with someone else promising yourself that it’s going to be different this time.
Sound familiar?
Here is the good news. God has given you an authentic heart to help others and He has a calling on your life. However, somewhere along the way the motivation of your heart to help others has been twisted. Somewhere along the way you began to feel responsible for other people and guilt became a backdrop to your life. Somewhere along the way you began to try to feel valuable by helping others. Somewhere along the way, you lost your way.
It’s time to find your way again, or maybe for the first time. You can’t do this alone, you need some help, you need some support. No matter what your head tells you, you are worth it. You are worth finding the freedom that comes when you are finding your identity in God and God alone. It may be tough for someone like you to ask for help because you have grown accustom to helping everyone else, but ask for it. Take that step and find your way.
Peace,
Jason
Great blog Jason!!
Thanks Ivy. Hope you’re doing well.